You Were: Buxom Kate

June 16, 2010

(Who Was I #2)

You were one of the best known hoisters (shoplifters) in Victorian London. Your specialty was ladies’ silk stockings. (Which may explain why you often feel drawn to the hosiery aisles of department stores.) It took a split second for you to roll up a pair of stockings and stuff them down the front of your dress. (Hence your underworld nickname, Buxom Kate.) Shopkeepers who confronted you were met with one of your well-honed defenses. The first was a smile that could melt most misers’ hearts. The second was a swift, infallibly aimed kick in the pants.

You maintained an impressive roster of clients who were always happy to purchase your illicit wares. All of them were well-born gentlemen, and they appreciated your discretion as much as your fashion sense. They paid quite well, and your profits allowed you to support your eight nieces and nephews, whose parents had met an untimely and tragic end. (I can’t see exactly how, but it had something to do with homemade turtle soup.) You never allowed your charges to know how you managed to keep them in clean knickers or meat pies. In fact, most of them believed you were the Queen’s personal librarian. (One thought you might work in a candy store.)

Those weren’t easy years, and you weren’t at all proud. But your life of crime came to an abrupt end when you found yourself confronted by a burly female shopkeeper who could neither be charmed nor kicked. You were sent to Newgate Prison, and would have been sentenced to death had the judge not fallen victim to your notorious smile. Rather than sending you to the gallows, he sent you to Australia instead. (Which, had he known about your fear of giant reptiles, might have been the crueller punishment.)

Your former clients, grateful that you had refrained from spilling the beans, conspired to have your nieces and nephews follow you to New South Wales with a nice chunk of change rattling in their pockets. The nine of you were reunited in Sydney, and together you started the most successful sheep station in the country.

By your second year in Australia, you could shear an ewe in two minutes flat and knit stockings from the wool before the sun set. As you might imagine, you were very popular with the neighboring ranchers. But you refused to marry any of them, choosing instead to play the field. (Which made you very unpopular with the few other ladies around. Good thing you were such a crack shot. )

Sadly, your fear of giant reptiles proved prophetic. At the age of 60, you were consumed by a crocodile brought down from Queensland by a neighbor who fancied having his own zoo. By the time you were discovered, all that was left were your feet.

You were identified by your stockings.

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2 Responses to “You Were: Buxom Kate”

  1. Daisy Says:

    wow! i certainly wish the boys loved me in this life as much as they did in my past one.

    this is scary since i actually live in australia. i’ll try to avoid big reptiles and stick to hosiery aisles instead….


  2. Ha! I have talents I never knew about! As for boys, all you need is one good one.


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