You Were: The World’s Foremost Authority on Manatees

September 13, 2010

There was a time when people didn’t think much of manatees. (Those were dark days, indeed!) In Florida, the cuddly sea cows were once considered little more than a nuisance—startling swimmers and blocking boat traffic. You were one of the few who understood—and loved—them.

You grew up in central Florida, on the banks of the Weeki Wachee River. On sunny mornings, you often skipped your high school classes and hurried down to the springs to go for a dip with the manatees. In order to observe them more closely, you’d taught yourself how to hold your breath for several minutes at a time. (If you choose to attempt such a feat in this life, I’d recommend a little practice first.)

It was during one of your underwater encounters that you were spotted by an entrepreneur who was out for a stroll. Certain he’d discovered a real-life mermaid, he was disappointed to see a human girl emerge from the springs. But then inspiration struck, and the man decided to offer you a job.

For the next five years, you were the head mermaid in the famous underwater show at Weeki Wachee Springs. Dressed in a sparkling bikini top and a long, lustrous fin, you dazzled the crowds. After each show, dozens of men would wait for a glimpse of you (and your legs). Elvis Presley even took you out on a few dates. But you preferred boys who weren’t afraid of the water. And Elvis never wanted to get his hair wet.

After playing a love-struck mermaid in a Hollywood film, you finally had enough money to pursue your real dream. It took another ten years, but you earned a PhD in marine biology from the University of Miami. For the rest of your life, you lived on the banks of the Weeki Wachee River with your beloved manatees a certain gentleman whose hair never got a chance to dry.

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2 Responses to “You Were: The World’s Foremost Authority on Manatees”

  1. grace Says:

    these are amazing! They remind me a bit of the descriptions of clothes in the J Peteman company Owner’s Manuals. Cool stuff!


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